How Do You Know If a Union Is Actually Ordained by God?

Many believers quietly wrestle with this question:

“How do I know if my marriage was truly God-ordained?”

It’s a fair question... and a heavy one.

The answer, however, is not as mysterious as people assume. Scripture gives us clear diagnostic tests to discern whether a union was authored by God… or simply allowed by Him.

Below are three biblical tests that reveal the origin, nature, and spiritual fruit of a relationship.

1. THE FRUIT TEST

Jesus said plainly:

“You will know them by their fruit.” (Matthew 7:16)

If two people claim to be believers, then the fruit of the Spirit MUST be present in their union:

• Love

• Joy

• Peace

• Patience

• Kindness

• Goodness

• Faithfulness

• Gentleness

• Self-control

These are not optional... these are proofs of the Holy Spirit’s presence.

So ask yourself:

If your relationship consistently brings:

• manipulation

• abuse

• cheating

• control

• gaslighting

• demeaning speech

• emotional torment

• starvation of love or intimacy

…then you are NOT seeing the fruit of the Spirit.

You are seeing the fruit of the flesh... or worse.

A Spirit-led believer does not torment their spouse.

A Spirit-bearing partner does not make you fear them.

A marriage where one partner produces zero spiritual fruit is not a union God ordained. Period.

Why?

Because God does not assign torment to His children.

He disciplines... yes.

He sanctifies... yes.

But He NEVER abuses.

2. THE ALIGNMENT TEST

When God ordains something, it aligns with:

• His character

• His timing

• His purpose for your life

Here’s the hard question:

“Why would a good Father strategically pair you with someone who delays your calling, damages your identity, and pulls you out of alignment with Him?”

He wouldn’t.

If a marriage consistently:

• derails your assignment

• destroys your peace

• disconnects you from God

• suppresses your gifts

• breaks your spirit

…ask yourself honestly:

What kingdom does that sound like it came from?

Heaven?

Or hell?

Think deeper...

If God is omniscient and loving — if He knows the end from the beginning —

why would He ‘ordain’ someone He knew would emotionally destroy you?

He wouldn’t.

We did that.

And God, in His mercy, simply honored our free will... even when it was painful.

3. THE YOKING TEST

Scripture reveals three types of marital pairings:

A. Believer + Believer (Equally Yoked)

These couples:

• sought God

• prayed

• obeyed

• walked in purity or repentance

• invited the Holy Spirit into their union

This is a God-ordained covenant.

It will face trials... but fruit will always show up because God is in the center.

B. Believer + Unbeliever

Scripture teaches that the believing spouse can sanctify the unbelieving spouse (1 Corinthians 7).

This union can work... IF the unbeliever:

• is morally grounded

• is not abusive

• is not manipulative

• is teachable

• honors you

• practices natural virtues (kindness, decency, stability)

God can bless this relationship over time... even if He didn’t author its beginning.

But He will NEVER bless:

• abuse

• control

• deceit

• emotional destruction

…from either spouse.

C. Unbeliever + Unbeliever

This is a legal contract, not a spiritual covenant.

God honors the institution of marriage, but He does not “ordain” what He was never invited into.

THE REAL REVELATION

If God ordained it, it will never:

• torment you

• break you

• strip your identity

• silence your calling

• destroy your peace

• disconnect you from Him

A God-authored union will:

• mature you

• strengthen you

• sanctify you

• refine you

• deepen your faith

• make you more like Christ

People confuse trials with torment.

God allows trials… He never assigns torment.

THE SIMPLE ANSWER

A union God ordained will always show God’s fruit.

A union entered through:

• flesh

• trauma

• loneliness

• rebellion

• lust

• pressure

• deception

…will always show the flesh’s fruit.

Galatians 5 makes the contrast unavoidable.

God’s children are not handed over to abusive assignment partners.

He does not ordain covenant with someone who will spiritually or emotionally destroy you.

He simply invites you to choose wisely...

and when you return to Him,

He redeems what you surrendered.